Penetrating A Virgin's Mind

I'm not a virgin. I won't go into the gory details, but I felt as though that my word wouldn't be as valid as a genuine abstinent individual's. In my desire to talk about this, I felt as though I should use the opinions and words of an individual who chose a chaste lifestyle based on a personal choice, as opposed to a religious obligation; in the same way that I feel as though biblical codes of morality give people an excuse to judge the ethics based on the institution promoting it. There are of course, people out there who are waiting until marriage, who happen to be out of their goddamn minds on their own merit; people who say they are holding off for the sake of their religion, but are probably just trying to make themselves more sexually appealing through a shroud of mystery or purity in light of their very real, definite, and obvious insanity.

This is not to say that the religious are insane, but speaking as a believer in God, I will make not only the admission that there are a lot of mentally unstable, gun toting, religious freaks from New Fanning, Dakota, and other corners of the globe, who pick the most bizarre things to protest, (funerals of fallen soldiers, victims of hate crimes) who kill in the name of pacifists, and self-destruct like a tackled and tail-wagged Voltorb, but also the admission that in light of today's scientific data, and the wide eye of media detailing the actions of the aforementioned freaks, it does take a splash of insanity to address oneself as a good honest God fearing individual.

The Educationally Independent would like to introduce you to the Anonymous Abstinent. She is a normal American. She likes working on old cars, and fixes bicycles. With a B.A in political science, Anonymous Abstinent is now heading back to community college for an A.S after working for non-profit organizations here in the Bay Area. We've known each other since we were high school freshmen, sharing a history class with a horrible woman who tried to join military, but was denied entry due to, in her words, "a chemical imbalance in her brain." I chose to speak with her for this article, not because of her California-based, middle-class, liberal, non-religious upbringing, but because she is literally the only virgin I know. We chose the vowel based alias Anonymous Abstinent, not out of shame for chastity, but because I had fully intended on asking some rather graphic, offensive questions for the sake of humor. As the discussion progressed however, I did actually back out of saying one. Because I wrote the questions before the talk occurred, the first question that appears in the interview was actually asked towards the end. We met in her home town, originally going to her house in the hills, but then opting for a coffee shop once I revealed the nature of some of the questions I was going to ask. Her parents were at home. Her mother offered me a bag of dried lemons.

Over coffee and Sour Patch Watermelons, we spoke for over an hour. Much of the meaningful discussion wasn't recorded as I am not that quick of a typist, and only tried to keep up on questions that I had prepared. We spoke about morality, why I was doing the blog, and the general state of ethics in our community and generation. Eventually, we were joined by another good friend, went bowling and got good and drunk. Hopefully, I will become a faster typist as time passes and I can record the spoken word more accurately, but here is my discussion with The Anonymous Abstinent regarding virginity in the twenty-first century.

***

EI: How's your hymen? Intact?

AA: You know thats a funny one. I fainted when I put my first tampon in at age 12 and a half. I'm wondering if thats when it broke. I'm pretty sure its gone, but I think it went with the feinting tampon, or from all the biking I've done. I've had some painful biking bumps, so you can't send me off to a prince of some Arab country (not offensive, she is of this ethnic background) where they check my hymen. No dowry. Shit won't bleed. I wonder if they still do that anywhere...

EI: You're 24. You're not an unattractive individual. You were not raised in a radically religious household, yet you have managed to not cash in your V card while still engaging in serious relationships What has stopped you from having sex all these years?

AA: I think it's my own morals that my parents instilled in me. Sometimes, I have this dichotomy where I regret it a lot but at the same time I'm glad I haven't given it away. Obviously it's something that everyone wants to do, but everyone wants to save it for a reason. I just hadn't found someone I trusted. That's the biggest thing I'm waiting for, because I was definitely pressured.

EI: When you say you were pressured, how did you deflect the onslaught of spermatozoa?

AA: Doing other things in that nature, and being lucky enough to have boyfriends who would date me and be so sexually frustrated the whole time. They were understanding; we would talk about it. I would say I wasn't ready, which I wasn't. There was only one when it was a problem, which was in high school. Otherwise it's never been a problem. Other than the sexual frustration that I can only imagine.

EI: You don't feel sexually frustrated then?

AA: Oh big time are you kidding me? I'm a woman with hormones.

EI: What overrides the hormones?

AA: I'm just waiting for the right guy. I don't want to get an STD. I have too many friends with those. I'm looking for someone that I can grow sexually with. I'm not waiting until marriage. I haven't found anyone. I value my virginity a lot.

EI: What kept you from having sex in high school with your serious boyfriend?

AA: That relationship... it wasn't meant to happen. It was just a feeling. We weren't mature as a couple. When you're not seeing each-other very much, dinners involve parents most of the time. I'm not quite sure I've ever been in love. I'm not sure that matters, but in all my relationships that have involved sexual acts, it has always been a factor. That has had a factor in my choice. My partners have had more feelings, so if I engaged in a sexual relations it would have made things too emotional. I feel like a man when I say that. It usually seems like its the other way around. I think its important that girls don't sleep around. I'm glad I waited because hopefully when I do have sex, it'll be really good. Hopefully.

EI: How do people react when they find out you're still a virgin?

AA: Terrified. They're shocked. They don't believe me. Men think it's weird. Some think it's inspiring, but that's mainly when they're religious. It makes me wonder if I'll ever get fucked. It definitely sets another standard by which they can judge me. When you say virgin, a lot of other adjectives and assumptions come to mind. "What's wrong with her? Why hasn't it happened yet?" Especially with a girl who isn't overweight, or terribly demented, there's an assumption that theres something wrong.

EI: Is it something you are proud of, or embarrassed by?

AA: As stated before, there's a dichotomy. Now that I've become older it's going to be hard to get over it. I just want to make sure I don't regret it.

EI: Can I give you a Blue Strawberry Callisto in the bathroom? (This is the question I couldn't bring myself to ask. If you're confused, see "Simple Start" for context)

AA: (no response)

EI: What advice would you give for current high school girls, or college students who are hesitant about having sex?

AA: Just make sure it's meaningful. I'm not saying to wait until you're married, but don't do anything too fast. If the guy likes you that much, he can wait. I made a guy wait two and a half years, and I dumped him.

EI: You are literally the only lady virgin I know. How does that make you feel?

AA: other than... I don't know. Nothing? No different than the rest... I'm definitely an outlier, especially in a big city. Will this article get me laid?

EI: No. You're anonymous. When the time comes what position would you start with?

AA: Start: missionary. Finish: I'm not sure. Hopefully it's rough and up against the wall at first.

EI: Do you feel as though more girls should hold off?

AA: I don't think it's a fact of holding off, it's a matter of when you're ready; to know it's what you want to do, and know its the person you want to do it with. As long as you don't regret doing it, there's not a problem doing it. I also never got drunk in high school. That may be why I never had sex.

I will definitely update you when it happens. You can have a follow-up.

***

So there you have it. Not as punchy and full of one-liners as I had originally intended, but an honest discussion. I actually couldn't have imagined it going any better. I get discouraged quite often, when I think about the future of my generation, so it was nice hearing from other people who believe in things, anything really; not the affirmation of chaos and nothingness, but of substance, and order. For Anonymous Abstinent, it was the value system of her parents. For myself, it is the conviction that every individual has a room in their hearts for infinite self-improvement.

I recently watched President Jimmy Carter's "crisis of confidence speech," (http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/americanexperience/features/primary-resources/carter-crisis/) in which he made a plea with the people to have confidence in America once more; how the American people had become so disconnected with their government. It seems as though that disconnect has travelled deeper into the hearts and minds of today's generation, in which they have not only disconnected from their nation, and their brethren, but that they have begun to disconnect from themselves.

We can all find discouragement in how easily today's young minds can deconstruct a belief system. Empowering up to a point, many have still yet to realize the dire bleakness that lies behind those veils and stories of arks, voids, and angels, still too intoxicated by their own intellectual prowess. It occurs in more practical matters as well. If you will for a moment, stretch back your memories a few years to the time when the YouTube documentary about an African dictator/war general who utilized child soldiers came out. They played it all over college campuses and a real movement was in the making. For the life of me I cannot remember the name. Zulu? (After sleeping, drinking five cups of coffee and consulting the internet: Kony 2012)

It wasn't long until the filmmaker (Jason Russell) was accused of over-simplification, and sensationalism for using his own child as a ploy within the film for aesthetic purposes, painting himself as a hero. We focused on the organization head (Russell) eventually going mad and masturbating whilst nude in the street. (Interfering with traffic, and screaming incoherently. Hurrah fact checking, hurrah!) I hate how that's actually all I really remember.

There are more potent examples as well. Manbearpig springs to mind. This was a creation of Matt Stone and Trey Parker in light of Al Gore's "An Inconvenient Truth." To be fair, the episode does end with the revelation that like climate change, Manbearpig is a reality, but what stays in most people's minds is how "thuper cereal" Al Gore was.

Deconstruction, like a jackhammer, is a powerful tool, but be mindful how you use it. (The Educationally Independent assails your postmodern beliefs, only because it cares) I have yet to see someone take an ironic shit on Ghandi or Dr. King, and if they have please refrain from enlightening me, but I'm fairly positive that the Buddha, Jesus, Moses and Mohammad didn't fully anticipate or prepare for the might of hipsters and the meme.

Anonymous Abstinent and I finished our discussion on whether or not we each had faith for humanity. It's so easy to have none. It's probably a more logical choice. But what good does it do you to have no faith that the state of the union, the world, your countrymen, and that you, cannot be any better? What good does it do a person to believe that we are what we are, and we will be as we will be; that some people are and forever will be wretched and without hope; that we are more or less, a civilised beast in differentiated states of control over our inate and animalistic nature? The answer: It is an easier way to live. You are right and smug in tragedy, instead of disappointed or heartbroken. It helps the morally opaque sleep at night. It fixates an individual into differnt shades of gray, clinging to an ever darkening sense of relativity. It's playing solitaire on one-draw and no timer. It's up, up, down, down, left, right, left, right, B, A. It can be a lot of fun when you figure it out, but it ruins the reward at game's end.

There has been too much heart-felt appeals, semantics and rhetoric in this post for it to appeal to anyone in their twenties...

A family walks into a talent agency and says, "Boy, do we have an act for you!" The talent agent replies, "Well what sort of act do you have?"

The husband steps forward, snaps his suspenders and says, "It's a family act featuring myself, my wife Ann, my folks Granny Jen and Papa Dave, the unisex triplets, Avery, Taylor, and Alex, and of course our dog, Bones. Sit back, and enjoy."